Finding happiness

Judy. Like many of you, I started doing some online studying in the past few weeks. Yale University offered their popular “Science of Well-Being” with Dr. Laurie Santos through the Coursera website, and I jumped on it.

Now, I’m a pretty happy and optimistic person, but I was intrigued by the idea that this could be a science. Sure enough, Dr. Santos backed up her philosophy with studies and statistics. It was absolutely fascinating (and still available—just Google it if you’re interested—and it’s free).

One of the first things Dr. Santos talked about is how we think owning “awesome stuff” will make us happy.  The truth is that a couple of weeks after we buy that shiny new and filled with memory laptop, it’s just another thing, and there’s a better one available. She calls it “hedonic adaptation.”  Did you wake up this morning and say, “Hot dog, let me at that two-year old Macbook!” Nope. It’s just a useful thing now.

What really interested me were the studies she quoted about experiences being more important than things. According to the good doctor, as well as several of her colleagues, people remember things they DO more than things they GOT. They found that even friends enjoyed hearing more about experiences than they did about things.

Ted and Caed in Arizona

With Parker in Greece in 2013

We’ve always preferred giving experiences to our family as gifts. The best have been travels, early on with our kids, and more recently with grandsons Parker and Caedmon. We still talk about places we’ve visited together and the fun we had. A couple of Christmases ago we rented a house in Florida and spent the week kayaking, swimming, eating, sunning, and so on.

Sometimes, the gift was a concert, a class, or even dinner together followed by something the recipient wanted to do. One of my favorite memories is having dinner in downtown Athens with Parker, after which he took me to the top of a parking deck to show me “the best place in Athens to see the sunset.” (It was spectacular, by the way.) Daughter Leslie and I make it a point to celebrate birthdays by going out to dinner and maybe getting a pedicure. We watch our son Stefan’s kids so that he and his wife Sarah can shop without interruption, or go to dinner or whatever. We take Oliver to a nearby biking trail so he can use up lots of energy. And we let him and his brother Callum play in the back of "Raymond the Cowboy Truck." We’ll talk about those things for years to come, small though some of them are.

Pure joy

The plan had been to go to Europe this summer with Parker and Caedmon and Leslie. Parker and Les would head to Ireland, while Caed would stay in London with us. We found a book with a scavenger hunt all over the city to introduce him to some of the cooler stuff. Then we’d all meet up to visit our family in Spain. Well, thank you, Covid-19, that never happened—YET.

There are still experiences we can do together. Caed comes over about once a week, which for him is a big deal. He gets completely spoiled for a couple of days. Every now and then we hike with him and Leslie, and on our last hike hit the jackpot with a plethora of chanterelle mushrooms. That’s a memory we’ll share for awhile.

Fun day hiking and great dinner awaits

Yes, there’s the occasional book or toy from another country, especially for Oliver and Callum, our young grandsons. But, God willing, when they’re old enough, we’re headed off on an adventure, hopefully in another country. And we’ll talk about it for years to come.

Joy in the Time of Corona (with apologies to Gabriel Garcia Marquez)

Judy. Strange times.

At this point, I’m sure everyone in the world knows that we in the US are dealing with more than the Pandemic of Covid-19. Civil unrest, and a long-overdue look at systemic racism has exploded into peaceful protests and into riots, encouraged by fringe anarchistic groups. Lack of national leadership has brought about confusion in both cases. Strange times, indeed.

In terms of the Pandemic, we have expanded our “bubble” to include both kids and their families, and to have physically distanced wine and snacks outside with a few friends. This has been a lifesaver to us. Being alone the rest of the time is not so bad, and we’re still walking and hiking. We also check several times a week with friends who are alone and with friends around the world who are also on lockdown.

In terms of the civil unrest, we do the same. We have friends of color who are finally opening up to us about living in a world where watching EVERYTHING you do is de rigeur, and it is breaking our hearts. While some are protesting in organized marches, others, often afraid of the virus in such crowds, are praying that love will get us all through this and into a unified people and nation. It is not an easy time. We whites are having to take long, hard looks at ourselves, and our friends of color are having to find the courage to speak up.

In the long run, this is a good thing. And it’s the power of love that has to carry us.

In the middle of all this, we look for joy—the gardenia bush flowering outside our front door, our youngest grandson taking his first steps, and, crazy as it seems, our neighborhood raccoon, Corona.

A few days ago, we were at the dining room table and saw a young raccoon sauntering down the driveway, across the street, and into our neighbor’s yard. It was three o’clock in the afternoon! I thought they were nocturnal!

Then yesterday, when we were returning in our truck Raymond, he stopped us dead in our driveway as he calmly waited to see what we’d do. Finally, he walked to our fence, climbed over, crossed the yard, and climbed the fence to get out again. Smart guy!

This morning I saw him heading down the driveway again, and slipped out back to get a photo. Corona gave me a look that said, “Seriously?” and climbed a small tree where he sat and watched until I left.

This little guy has been a delight. Raccoons, I’m told, are the mascot of the Pandemic. They always wear their masks, they wash their hands, and if you rearrange one of the accepted spellings of racoon, it spells Corona.

No, it’s not easy now. We’re counting on love and joy and courage. And a few laughs we can get from our buddy Corona.

Quote du jour

“I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.”

- Fannie Lou Hamer